To be or not to be...a rules girl.

When I last left off, I was in a bit of a gray relationship area with Mr. Noncommittal, who I will further refer to as "Freddie." It's gray because after having what I thought was a good time, I didn't feel like he was making an effort to see me again anytime soon. But he was still keeping in contact with me throughout the week. This is the first time that a man has been this unclear with me after I've been out with him. Men are not usually so complex that there even is a middle ground between cutting off all communication and dying to see me again. I figured maybe he was trying to be nice or do the Christian thing by making casual hello/how-are-you conversation instead of blowing me off completely. I hypothesized that a week was probably the appropriate duty of feigning polite contact.

So yesterday, I was explaining my hypothesis to my friend "Amber," on our way to the bookstore to purchase a new copy of "The Rules." (For any of you who never read or subscribed to the lifestyle of "The Rules," it's a book for women about how to behave in order to have successful relationships) I was reconsidering my rule-breaking, good-girl-gone-bad attitude and thinking I needed a refresher course in how to be a strict, elusive rules girl; and Amber, being a like-minded single gal, was convinced that she needed to own a copy of "The Rules" as well. So as we were driving and talking, literally 30 seconds after I made a statement about how I didn't expect to hear from Freddie again and I was disappointed but decidedly moving on, he texted me. He was checking to see how the events of my weekend had transpired, and after a few flirtatious messages he invited me to come have beer and pizza and watch a basketball game followed by my choice of movie.

Now if I were a serious rules girl, I would have been "too busy" to see him on such short notice. But when he messaged I was only just in line to checkout at Borders with my fresh paperback copy of "The Rules," so I figured it was good enough to just make him wait 2 more hours and let him know I was busy with other people at the moment.

When I got to Freddie's house, he had all the appropriate condiments, necessary utensils, and an appetizer of chips and guacamole set out. I also thought it was cute that he had picked out a G-rated movie from Redbox because he wanted to have a nonoffensive option for me if I didn't want to watch the manly action movies in his collection. He showed me his new Systematic Theology book that he's been reading for his men's Bible study, and we discussed our thoughts on some different Scriptures. We also discussed what a Celtic is (neither one of us was sure) and I informed him that the Lakers got their name from the 12,000 lakes in Minnesota before the team was bought and relocated to Los Angeles. I always feel smart when I can share a sports fact with men ;)

So I'm still not being a rules girl. (In fact my copy that I just purchased is hidden under my car seat in case Freddie would have looked in my window and seen it. ) But I don't feel that I'm being overly rebellious either. I guess I'm still just having fun and seeing where things go.

Pluses for Freddie: He's conscientious, a good host, amazing kisser, perceptive, respectful, really cute, has super strong arms, loves Jesus and is passionate about sharing his faith as well as learning more, intelligent, intellectual, and a sexy dancer.
Negatives for Freddie: I still don't know what he's looking for--relationship? fling? friend with benefits?, I dislike that he always texts instead of calling, and--major bummer--he is interviewing next week for a job that would take him across the country.

Stay tuned for updates...

Who's making the rules here anyway??

Most of you have probably seen a poster with that annoying but true statement "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Let me clarify, this statement is really only annoying when you realize you've fallen for something because you didn't take a certain stand. When I first started blogging on here, I was re-evaluating the purpose or rather the possible hindrance of rules in my life. My Scandinavian upbringing taught me that there is a certain way all things should be done. We Norske's even have certain times when all our tasks should appropriately be accomplished--for example, my more tedious chores should be done first thing in the morning or I won't be able to give them my "freshest" effort. Always having been the Good Girl, I have more recently been branching out and rethinking if my boundaries have really helped me get where I want to be. Although I don't claim to have come to any earth-shattering conclusion on which I will base a new doctrine, I've realized that living without my own rules leaves me subject to everyone else's rules and expectations.

Other than doing my chores in the afternoon instead of morning and my lack of commitment to any particular diet, the main area I've given up my pre-existing rules is in dating. I've kept one rule, and that is that I'm holding onto my V-card until I have a diamond to replace it. (This way my footloose and fancy-freeness is at least done on a leash!) My overall theory was that I just want to have fun (like other people seem to have) and quit being so uptight. I used to have rules about not accepting plans for a date through a text instead of a real phone call, I wouldn't kiss on the first date, I wouldn't consume alcohol on a first date, and way back I would even refuse to go on a date if he hadn't spent an adequate amount of time in conversation on the phone. Now, it was never really possible to make a man communicate the way a woman would prefer him to communicate, but I think we train men how to act by what we are willing to put up with.

Today, I am rambling these theories partly out of frustration from my new noncommittal relationship in which I am clearly not calling the shots. I'm not really familiar with casual dating, but I guess that's what we're doing. We had a lot of fun when we went out and he's been texting throughout the week basically just to say "hi." He's made no effort to nail down another date, and that's very foreign to me. Most men either don't make the half-hearted effort to keep in contact or even if they're players they try to flatter me and see me again for whatever their intent may be. So I'm at a loss trying to figure out what rule book we're playing by, but I'm still not sure if it's worse to be all alone with my rules and ideals or to live a little and give new people a chance.


P.S. If anyone was wondering, this noncommittal man I mentioned above is not the one whom I blogged about previously in my "Love At First Dance" post. That man has been jet setting around the country so I have only communicated via facebook with him since that night.