Sometimes you feel like a nut

Have you seen all the shelled nuts in the stores lately? They put them out this time of year because a lot of people like to have nut bowls and nutcrackers for the holidays. Except that no place is selling the nutcrackers this year. One would imagine that if you sell pecans, almonds, and brazil nuts in their shells that one could purchase a tool to open them in the same establishment. One would be wrong.

These stores do however sell other necessary kitchen tools, such as a strawberry huller or a french fry cutter, because apparently we felt the need to reinvent the knife. But the best one I saw was an egg cracker. Seriously?? We've been cracking eggs for hundreds of years with our hands! Egg shells are not hard to crack. Not as hard as, say, a nut shell!

For anyone who purchases it, I think the packaging for the egg cracker needs to say this: "Directions: Put the egg cracker on the counter, turn around, and leave the kitchen. You do not belong in there!"

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

Cobra Starship has been playing on my stereo again. And by that I'm saying I'm listening to my old theme song "Good Girls Go Bad." After being suppressed by my overly strict Christian school as a student, and now needing an outlet from being the strict teacher all week, I like to have a good time on the weekends. This past weekend I had a great time dancing and meeting strangers. I even kissed a man whose name I don't know--I merely called him "cowboy." But I didn't kiss him until after he told me how beautiful I was and asked me to marry him. (if some boys just figure out the right way to flatter a woman, they can get whatever they want.) After turning down a proposal, it would just be cold to refuse a kiss. I probably need to get out my copy of "The Rules" again, but I don't feel bad about anything.

Yes, I used to have the standard that I didn't kiss anybody until the third date, but things change. I don't feel bad that I've kissed a couple people whom I will likely never see again. But I'm still trying to figure out if I should. Life is not what I expected, and the black and white boundaries I had when I was 18 have all blurred.


I don't make decisions with the intent of being rebellious, but I feel like I'm that girl for whom the other Christians worry and pray a little extra when they think of it. Maybe I'm just a misunderstood personality. They tell me I have an affinity for being naked just because I didn't wear a shirt under my jacket to go to the grocery store one saturday morning. Or because sometimes I forget where I've taken my bras off in the house and other people find them. It's not like I'm doing a striptease for the neighbors! It's not like I'm going mattress surfing with random men--or any men! I'm just more comfortable sometimes without wearing all my garments.

I guess, if people want to judge me that's fine. It's not like I went from Mouseketeer to pornstar like a Disney girl gone wild. I'm just a single, Christian girl trying to figure out life.

Dirty, rotten juvies

Just to give fair warning, I'm a little bit pissy and a little bit PMS-y and I've been fighting the urge to curse all day.

Some dirty, rotten, high school thieves sneaked into my office today and stole my most cherished and useful possessions--my iPod and my cell phone! They also stole a granola bar, my peanut butter crackers, and $1.25, but that I could forgive.

The worst part is that I left my office unlocked. I sometimes lock, but I often forget or assume that if the teacher next door is there it won't matter. Well, the teacher next door left for a couple hours today and that's when the delinquents entered. The HS principal checked the security camera and knows it's one of three people, but he questioned them and got nowhere. I asked if he checked their pockets, and he said he's not allowed to do that. I'm fairly certain that with reasonable cause to believe they have stolen property, one should be allowed to search a body or call an officer to search the students. But it's too late now because the slimy brats have gone home and I doubt anyone else is as concerned as I am about retrieving my belongings. I filed a statement with the tribal police, but I don't have a lot of confidence in that going anywhere.

I really considered calling in sick to work today, but I figured mild cramps and a bad attitude weren't a good enough reason to miss work. Now, I really wish I hadn't gone to work. And if I need/want to call in tomorrow, I can't because my phone is gone!

We didn't even have students Monday, and Tuesday we cancelled school. Tomorrow the students get out early, but I have to stay until 4. It really shouldn't feel like a hard week, but the students get out of their routine and act out by throwing chairs, walking out of class, and beaning their classmates in the face with thrown crayons.

On the bright side, my cheerleaders finally seem like they understand the difference between right and left. Speaking of cheerleading, I don't think my co-coach is intending to come back any time soon. And his brother told me that he doesn't care about it because it's only junior highers that have been coming to practice. I tried calling him a couple times, but both phone numbers I have for him are disconnected. (this is actually quite typical on the rez. You can't count on anybody or anything being as it should be.) I'd probably quit too if that were an option, but at least this means I get the full $ amount of the sponsor's stipend.

Someday if I find a job at a nice, quiet suburban school, I may feel bored by the regularity and the lack of drama and lockdowns. After a day like today, I really hope to feel that bored someday soon.

On the rez

These past few months have been filled with craziness that I should have been blogging about, but until tonight I've been too exhausted/lazy to log on.

Let me just start by saying, I got everything I asked for this year. I wanted a full time elementary vocal music teaching position, my own apartment, and new challenges. Now, let me say that you should be more specific than I was about the details of what you ask for.

I live in what used to be the nun's quarters of the former Catholic church in town. It's quirky and somewhat inconvenient with it's randomness, but it's home for now. I feel like it's a combination of my experience in the dorms and camping. I have no trash pick-up in town so I'm responsible for taking my own trash to the dump. (Although, the trash pick-up is still free at my sister's house so I've been taking it there on the weekends.) I have no dishwasher or garbage disposer in the sink so I've become lazy about cooking since it's much more work now. (Honestly, that's half my motivation for drinking a SlimFast shake instead of eating solid food) Also, there were vegetables in the fridge that had been rotting for several months before I moved in and I'm still trying to eliminate the underlying odor. I have several boxes of baking soda in the fridge, and I'm double ziplocking everything that may absorb an odd taste.

The rez is like a land-locked, dust-filled, technologically barren island. If you blinked on the highway, you may miss the sign and entrance to the town and therefore never realize it was even there. Washing my car is of no use because as soon as I drive to work, my car will be coated once again with the ever present dust. I get no cell phone reception there, and the internet filters prevent me from doing much on the computer besides writing my lesson plans and checking my school approved email.

Today, the one gas station in town ran out of gas because they just didn't pay their bills. I usually get my gas in the town where I live, but I have filled up on the rez before. The gas station is just another example of how one cannot count on anything on the rez. Students show up to school whenever they or their parents feel like it. Girls who begged me to be their cheerleading sponsor may or may not show up to tryouts--let alone practice. Adults who promise to help with activities are just as likely as the children to skip or forget about it completely. And schedules are irrelevant. Things will start when they start no matter what you are told.

The crazy people and the multitude of frustrations are only half my problem. I spend my weekdays with almost no adult contact, and even when I see my friends on the weekend I don't fit in the same. I had a moderate meltdown over my new life last week. It's probably the worst uncontrollable crying I've ever experienced, but I've rehydrated and I'm pressin onward. We got to leave school a few hours early today due to a maintenance issue, which is one of the perks of this job. So I took the extra time to self-therapize. I've indulged in a massage and every form of junk food that I felt like eating today, which probably sabotaged the weight loss I was finally seeing from my dieting efforts but it was a necessary evil today.

In between self-therapizing, I've been plotting how I can run into my new crush at work. He works in the middle school wing so I usually try to strut past his classroom when I need to go to the main office. I've also realized we have lunch at the same time and occassionally we cross paths by the silverware in the cafeteria. He's much friendlier than my last crush (one of the 4th grade teachers whom I'm so over), and he's much hotter, too. I'm pretty sure he would be out of my league back in Omaha, but I'm way hotter than most of the women on the rez. It's kind of like that tv show Hot In Cleveland where those women are old and over the hill in L.A., but by comparison they're hot in Cleveland. Well, I'm probably like a 6 in Omaha, but I'm hot on the rez.

Stay tuned for more details of the crazies that surround me....

To be or not to be...a rules girl.

When I last left off, I was in a bit of a gray relationship area with Mr. Noncommittal, who I will further refer to as "Freddie." It's gray because after having what I thought was a good time, I didn't feel like he was making an effort to see me again anytime soon. But he was still keeping in contact with me throughout the week. This is the first time that a man has been this unclear with me after I've been out with him. Men are not usually so complex that there even is a middle ground between cutting off all communication and dying to see me again. I figured maybe he was trying to be nice or do the Christian thing by making casual hello/how-are-you conversation instead of blowing me off completely. I hypothesized that a week was probably the appropriate duty of feigning polite contact.

So yesterday, I was explaining my hypothesis to my friend "Amber," on our way to the bookstore to purchase a new copy of "The Rules." (For any of you who never read or subscribed to the lifestyle of "The Rules," it's a book for women about how to behave in order to have successful relationships) I was reconsidering my rule-breaking, good-girl-gone-bad attitude and thinking I needed a refresher course in how to be a strict, elusive rules girl; and Amber, being a like-minded single gal, was convinced that she needed to own a copy of "The Rules" as well. So as we were driving and talking, literally 30 seconds after I made a statement about how I didn't expect to hear from Freddie again and I was disappointed but decidedly moving on, he texted me. He was checking to see how the events of my weekend had transpired, and after a few flirtatious messages he invited me to come have beer and pizza and watch a basketball game followed by my choice of movie.

Now if I were a serious rules girl, I would have been "too busy" to see him on such short notice. But when he messaged I was only just in line to checkout at Borders with my fresh paperback copy of "The Rules," so I figured it was good enough to just make him wait 2 more hours and let him know I was busy with other people at the moment.

When I got to Freddie's house, he had all the appropriate condiments, necessary utensils, and an appetizer of chips and guacamole set out. I also thought it was cute that he had picked out a G-rated movie from Redbox because he wanted to have a nonoffensive option for me if I didn't want to watch the manly action movies in his collection. He showed me his new Systematic Theology book that he's been reading for his men's Bible study, and we discussed our thoughts on some different Scriptures. We also discussed what a Celtic is (neither one of us was sure) and I informed him that the Lakers got their name from the 12,000 lakes in Minnesota before the team was bought and relocated to Los Angeles. I always feel smart when I can share a sports fact with men ;)

So I'm still not being a rules girl. (In fact my copy that I just purchased is hidden under my car seat in case Freddie would have looked in my window and seen it. ) But I don't feel that I'm being overly rebellious either. I guess I'm still just having fun and seeing where things go.

Pluses for Freddie: He's conscientious, a good host, amazing kisser, perceptive, respectful, really cute, has super strong arms, loves Jesus and is passionate about sharing his faith as well as learning more, intelligent, intellectual, and a sexy dancer.
Negatives for Freddie: I still don't know what he's looking for--relationship? fling? friend with benefits?, I dislike that he always texts instead of calling, and--major bummer--he is interviewing next week for a job that would take him across the country.

Stay tuned for updates...

Who's making the rules here anyway??

Most of you have probably seen a poster with that annoying but true statement "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Let me clarify, this statement is really only annoying when you realize you've fallen for something because you didn't take a certain stand. When I first started blogging on here, I was re-evaluating the purpose or rather the possible hindrance of rules in my life. My Scandinavian upbringing taught me that there is a certain way all things should be done. We Norske's even have certain times when all our tasks should appropriately be accomplished--for example, my more tedious chores should be done first thing in the morning or I won't be able to give them my "freshest" effort. Always having been the Good Girl, I have more recently been branching out and rethinking if my boundaries have really helped me get where I want to be. Although I don't claim to have come to any earth-shattering conclusion on which I will base a new doctrine, I've realized that living without my own rules leaves me subject to everyone else's rules and expectations.

Other than doing my chores in the afternoon instead of morning and my lack of commitment to any particular diet, the main area I've given up my pre-existing rules is in dating. I've kept one rule, and that is that I'm holding onto my V-card until I have a diamond to replace it. (This way my footloose and fancy-freeness is at least done on a leash!) My overall theory was that I just want to have fun (like other people seem to have) and quit being so uptight. I used to have rules about not accepting plans for a date through a text instead of a real phone call, I wouldn't kiss on the first date, I wouldn't consume alcohol on a first date, and way back I would even refuse to go on a date if he hadn't spent an adequate amount of time in conversation on the phone. Now, it was never really possible to make a man communicate the way a woman would prefer him to communicate, but I think we train men how to act by what we are willing to put up with.

Today, I am rambling these theories partly out of frustration from my new noncommittal relationship in which I am clearly not calling the shots. I'm not really familiar with casual dating, but I guess that's what we're doing. We had a lot of fun when we went out and he's been texting throughout the week basically just to say "hi." He's made no effort to nail down another date, and that's very foreign to me. Most men either don't make the half-hearted effort to keep in contact or even if they're players they try to flatter me and see me again for whatever their intent may be. So I'm at a loss trying to figure out what rule book we're playing by, but I'm still not sure if it's worse to be all alone with my rules and ideals or to live a little and give new people a chance.


P.S. If anyone was wondering, this noncommittal man I mentioned above is not the one whom I blogged about previously in my "Love At First Dance" post. That man has been jet setting around the country so I have only communicated via facebook with him since that night.

Love at first dance

I went salsa dancing against my will last night, and ....I think I met my future husband. BUT he doesn't know it yet. He's fabulous and tall with a nerdy chic kind of look and has warm hands that fit perfectly with mine--which I only know from dancing, but he volunteered to be my partner during the lesson and continued to hold my hand even when the other people weren't holding hands. I think I'm a believer in love at first sight now. And I'm definitely a believer in love at first dance! Here's the crazy part though...I realized later that night that I had been matched with him on eHarmony while I was subscribed. I was communicating with him, but he hadn't responded when my subscription ran out. Since I had given up on online dating I just let my subscription end and didn't check back. I checked last night though and he did respond a while later, and of course at that time I was not only unsubscribed but I was briefly dating someone else.
Anyway, since I have a unique name he has to have figured out that he knows me from online. So now my conundrum is, do I mention it? Do I wait for him to mention it? Should I worry that he won't make a move because I didn't respond to his online dating communication?? Maybe he hasn't made the connection, but he asked how to spell my name. That had to trigger something. But there was distinct flirting and more importantly distinct chemistry.
Oh what a pickle!