Cobra Starship has been playing on my stereo again. And by that I'm saying I'm listening to my old theme song "Good Girls Go Bad." After being suppressed by my overly strict Christian school as a student, and now needing an outlet from being the strict teacher all week, I like to have a good time on the weekends. This past weekend I had a great time dancing and meeting strangers. I even kissed a man whose name I don't know--I merely called him "cowboy." But I didn't kiss him until after he told me how beautiful I was and asked me to marry him. (if some boys just figure out the right way to flatter a woman, they can get whatever they want.) After turning down a proposal, it would just be cold to refuse a kiss. I probably need to get out my copy of "The Rules" again, but I don't feel bad about anything.
Yes, I used to have the standard that I didn't kiss anybody until the third date, but things change. I don't feel bad that I've kissed a couple people whom I will likely never see again. But I'm still trying to figure out if I should. Life is not what I expected, and the black and white boundaries I had when I was 18 have all blurred.
I don't make decisions with the intent of being rebellious, but I feel like I'm that girl for whom the other Christians worry and pray a little extra when they think of it. Maybe I'm just a misunderstood personality. They tell me I have an affinity for being naked just because I didn't wear a shirt under my jacket to go to the grocery store one saturday morning. Or because sometimes I forget where I've taken my bras off in the house and other people find them. It's not like I'm doing a striptease for the neighbors! It's not like I'm going mattress surfing with random men--or any men! I'm just more comfortable sometimes without wearing all my garments.
I guess, if people want to judge me that's fine. It's not like I went from Mouseketeer to pornstar like a Disney girl gone wild. I'm just a single, Christian girl trying to figure out life.
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